Think

She put the phone down, almost as if she were in slow motion. It had happened…. nothing had ever prepared her for this. She knew something was wrong, her instincts had warned her several times that there was something not just fishy, something outrageously wrong. And here it all was, out in the open for her and everyone else to see and sense. A million thoughts of nothingness were going through her mind right now. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t stand, she couldn’t stand it, and she couldn’t live with it. She started to think.. and NO! She wouldn’t think about anything now, the time wasn’t right yet! But when should she think about… everything?

It was at that minute that she realized that it had to end. It had ended from him, now it was her decision to make. She made her way slowly to the kitchen and saw what she was looking for; it was glittering like solid silver in the sunlight – the new knife her brother had bought for her birthday last month. The minute she saw it she knew, this was the right thing to do and this was the only thing to do. She took it and entered her bathroom. Dimming the light, she stripped and filled the bath tub with water. It was the right way to die, exactly the way she had imagined it in her head a hundred times. The tub filled with water, she had made sure it was freezing and she waited for the only thing she would wait for ever again… for the bath tub to fill. Closing the tap, she got into the freezing water and shivered, but there was no time to think about anything else. Taking a deep breath she placed the knife on her wrist, the feeling wasn’t scary, in fact it was oddly comforting. She slit her wrist with one fast and deep action, and watched the blood pour out, a little at first and then gushing out the nest second. The pain was unbearable and she dropped the bloody knife and saw her blood mix with the water making the water a bright red. She leaned back to finally allow herself to think about everything that she had been withholding from herself.

A tear fell down when she realized how much she had lost and loved. She had loved him and everything about him. He was the only man who had made her think that life was impossible outside him. Her husband was dead and he had died at the hands of the enemy at war. She had been away from him for almost five years, barely heard from him and his camp. He had been beaten to death by the enemy or so she was told. She hadn’t waited for them to finish the story, the news of his death was enough, the rest didn’t really matter. She had dreaded picking up the call every time it rang, but she knew it had to happen and if it didn’t happen it was too good to be true. The pain dimmed as she slowly fainted into oblivion she realized that she had never kept up a single promise to herself, but she would see this through. She would die… because there was no life… not like this.. not this way.. not without him..