Poori Bhaji

I’m going to Hell!

There is a lot people don’t know about me, this includes my family and BFFs. There are secrets that I have always hidden deep inside that have never ever been revealed, for a good reason.  However, today I confess..

1. There was this friend in school, who was supposed to mentor me – let’s call him “Ashwin”. Whenever he would talk to me, I would always look at his eyebrow and then his shoes. He’d ask me, if there was something on his face and glance at his shoes. I would say no, and act like I don’t know what he was talking about. This made him forget what he was talking every time and would drive him crazy. I heard him begging our teacher to mentor someone else.
2. I would come early to work and put a piece of transparent cellophane tape under my colleague’s mouse (where the red light flicks). The mouse worked, but it was very slow and hazy. Slowly but surely I watched her go paranoid.
3. As a kid, I used to discreetly eat just the peanuts and cashew nuts from all Haldiram packets my parents brought back home. I would leave just enough nuts, for my family to think that Haldirams were just being stingy. 
4. On the election’s day at work, I glued together all the “Indian Economy” pages in the newspaper. And tried not to laugh loudly when someone tried to pull it apart.
5. I found a vial of glitter at my workplace, and used to find a way to pour just a little at a time into a colleague’s bag, her chair, her keyboard, inside her mobile case, etc for a month. She would be covered in glitter every day and look like a deranged Christmas tree. She never found out what happened and had to clean up every single day.
6. When my colleague left the laptop unlocked, I changed their mouse settings from double-clicking to single-clicking. In 2 days, they looked like they belonged in the loony bin.
7. I would intentionally mispronounce the word affidavit as affidavid, barbed wire as bob wire, clothes as clos, escape as excape in front of my English teacher. She used to be meticulous about pronunciation and tried correcting me many times. Soon, I watched her crack at the edges. Good times!!
8. I once stayed with an extremely organized and disciplined aunt. I would meticulously place an item between the refrigerator door gaps every day (they had the big tall refrigerators). Every time, she opened the fridge a spoon/utensil/flower/plate/toy/paper would fall out. And, she had to bend and pick it up and slowly go cuckoo.
9. Long ago, when mobile phones were a rarity, I changed the language in my friend’s mobile to Chinese. She almost died trying to fix it.
10.  My friend once left his Facebook page open. I changed all his Facebook settings from “All My Friends” to “Only Me”. Nobody liked his posts and photos for ages, and I think it made him feel unloved.