Feel Old! NOT!

Why haven’t you got married yet?

Hamare sanskaron mein kya kami reh gayi thi, bolo?

En unaku kalyamna pidikamaatengardadu?

Anda paiyane eduku reject pannine, badul sollu?

Enge kitte opena pesu, naanga romba cool.

Nee yevanavdae love pannariya, paravale enga kitta sollu – naanga poi pesarom?

Unaku boy freiendsae kidaiyada?

These questions are every single Tamil girl’s very much dreaded FAQs! (and if you’re an exception stop reading this right now, because I am jealous!!!) As much as I hate to admit this, these questions really do get on my nerves. In the community we live in, marriage is a badge of honor that you must proudly wear and show off to your relatives, friends, neighbors, people you know and don’t know. Believe me, it gets worse when you are the only one left to take the plunge – while all your friends, cousins, and distant relatives your age are already married or on the verge of it.

Now, don’t get me wrong or judge me, because I am totally PRO marriage. I am a romantic at heart and I believe in true love, soul mates and all that good stuff. I just don’t think we should rush things just because of the society, parents, age.. blah blah. After countless fights, a million arguments, and another million awkward silences, I have managed to detect the pre-marital process of a handling a proposal.

The Process – 
1.       First things first, when you reach 25 your biological clock is on the verge of exploding, it’s not a clock anymore – it’s a frggin time bomb.

     2.       Then, you become everyone’s favorite family “project” – because people think that you need help!

     3.       Then, comes the pooja and the regular visits to the astrologer, who say you are on the verge of marriage (as if that’s gonna make anyone happy and content) and they prescribe a series of mantras and poojas and what not, and tell you about your doshams and the temples you need to visit. Let’s not forget the fact that the entire world is praying for you at this point, your parents, siblings, relatives.. and people who you forgot about. YOU are literally the one and only reason for their prayer. And don’t forget, by this time you are lighting three ghee diyas to a variety of deities.

     4.       Next, you are invited/forced to every single family event that has happened. In a brave attempt to make you “meet” the right one.  Of course, there is no right one in those festivals; otherwise I wouldn’t be parading my single status today. You’re relatives’ eye you keenly throughout the festivities to see if someone has taken an interest in you or to see if their “introduction plan” worked. Let’s not forget people who you’ve never met before coming up to you and asking why aren’t you married? And, the minute you get frustrated and tell them to get off your back, all hell breaks loose!! You are suddenly not a homely girl; you are an “adangapidari” with lack of sanskarams and mariyadai for the elders!

     5.       Since that didn’t work out too well, you are enrolled in every possible matrimony site on the internet. You’re profile details are sent out to every maami and maama in the corners of the world. From the agraharams of Nagarkoil to the suburbs of Minneapolis.

     6.       Then, the final attempt of questioning which is ideally supposed to lead somewhere. “What happened to that engineering boy who came to return your pen drive 3 years ago?” or “College first year le unna propose pannavanku ippovum un mela interest iruka?” or “Didn’t anyone propose to you yet?” or “Sharradha maami ponnuku ippo 22 - avalku kooda kalyanam fix pannita, ulagatae purinju nadanduko”.

     7.       Last but not least,  “neeye paiyane paatuko” we won’t interfere in your marriage matters anymore, because we are extremely upset with your behavior your lack of interest. That’s obviously followed by point number 3 and rolls down to point number 6.

After not allowing me to talk to boys, after making sure I don’t go on dates, after not allowing me to stay back after 9 p.m., after not allowing me to go to parties, our parents are suddenly disappointed in us not finding a guy when we hit the “prime of our lives”.  I’m just kidding.. or am I?

Understandings –

    1.       Getting married, having kids, buying a house, taking a loan.. none of these come with an expiration date. This is not like buying vegetables at Farm Fresh!

    2.       People who got married at 20 – 22 do NOT have any more guarantee of happiness than whatever age you are at today. Life is meant to be enjoyed, no matter when you find the “one”.

    3.       Those who are married have their own set of problems; marriage does not guarantee happiness, love, care, friendship, ethics, etc. You can guarantee all these for yourself no matter what stage of life you are at now.

    4.       Take the advice of people who love and care about you, but make your own decisions.

    5.       Last but not least, marriage is a choice of a particular lifestyle and not a necessity or an obligation. So, for the love of god take your time!

    6.       Bonus point – Stop meeting every birthday of yours with a sense of doom (easier said than done, I know. But, try.).