The ingredients are here -
http://oopsitsvidya.blogspot.in/2013/12/choco-nut-cake-vannila-cashew-cake-no.html
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Long Live Cake!
The ingredients are here -
http://oopsitsvidya.blogspot.in/2013/12/choco-nut-cake-vannila-cashew-cake-no.html
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
I’m going to Hell!
There is a lot people don’t know about me, this includes my family
and BFFs. There are secrets that I have always hidden deep inside that
have never ever been revealed, for a good reason. However, today I
confess..
- There was this friend in school, who was supposed to mentor me – let’s call him “Ashwin”. Whenever he would talk to me, I would always look at his eyebrow and then his shoes. He’d ask me, if there was something on his face and glance at his shoes. I would say no, and act like I don’t know what he was talking about. This made him forget what he was talking every time and would drive him crazy. I heard him begging our teacher to mentor someone else.
- I would come early to work and put a piece of transparent cellophane tape under my colleague’s mouse (where the red light flicks). The mouse worked, but it was very slow and hazy. Slowly but surely I watched her go paranoid.
- As a kid, I used to discreetly eat just the peanuts and cashew nuts from all Haldiram packets my parents brought back home. I would leave just enough nuts, for my family to think that Haldirams were just being stingy.
- On the election’s day at work, I glued together all the “Indian Economy” pages in the newspaper. And tried not to laugh loudly when someone tried to pull it apart.
- I found a vial of glitter at my workplace, and used to find a way to pour just a little at a time into a colleague’s bag, her chair, her keyboard, inside her mobile case, etc for a month. She would be covered in glitter every day and look like a deranged Christmas tree. She never found out what happened and had to clean up every single day.
- When my colleague left the laptop unlocked, I changed their mouse settings from double-clicking to single-clicking. In 2 days, they looked like they belonged in the loony bin.
- I would intentionally mispronounce the word affidavit as affidavid, barbed wire as bob wire, clothes as clos, escape as excape in front of my English teacher. She used to be meticulous about pronunciation and tried correcting me many times. Soon, I watched her crack at the edges. Good times!!
- I once stayed with an extremely organized and disciplined aunt. I would meticulously place an item between the refrigerator door gaps every day (they had the big tall refrigerators). Every time, she opened the fridge a spoon/utensil/flower/plate/toy/paper would fall out. And, she had to bend and pick it up and slowly go cuckoo.
- Long ago, when mobile phones were a rarity, I changed the language in my friend’s mobile to Chinese. She almost died trying to fix it.
- My friend once left his Facebook page open. I changed all his Facebook settings from “All My Friends” to “Only Me”. Nobody liked his posts and photos for ages, and I think it made him feel unloved.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
The Ultimate Guide on Surviving Anything Horror Related
To name a few horror movies
I’ve seen.. Insidious I and II, Saw, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Ring,
Sinister, The Shining, The Maniac, Cabin in the Woods, The Exorcist,
Oculus, Alien, Silence of the Lambs, Conjuring, Evil Dead, Scream,
Psycho, Paranormal Activity, 28 days, Contracted, VHS Tape, 13 sins, 13
ghosts, 6 souls, 1408, Shutter , A tale of 2 sisters, Innkeepers,
Anaconda, Lake Placid, The Grudge, The Hills Have Eyes, Grave Encounters
I and II, You’re Next, The Collector I and II, Final Destination, Red
State, Carrie, Drag me to Hell, The Ruins, The abduction, I know what
you did last summer, Hostel I and II , Jeepers Creepers, Predators,
Jaws, Blaire Witch Project, The Descent, Omen, and many more. This makes
me an expert in occult, abduction, and witchery and today I know what
to do when there’s an apocalypse, alien invasion, ghostly spirits
haunting the house, werewolf attack or zombie outbreak. This is a
compilation of life saving instructions if/when you encounter a
revengeful ghost, crazed serial killer, jealous slasher, or hungry
werewolf.
Lessons learnt:
1. Never trust anyone –
First things first, look at your relatives, friends, neighbors and acquaintances with a lot of distrust, because the serial killer is always someone you know. So, keep your eyes peeled. The serial killer has superpowers too which you should know of, they never set off the security alarm, they never trip even if the room is pitch black, they always have good mobile signal, they know the exact layout of your house, and they always appear out of nowhere. Serial killers are so bad that they can do some weird stuff like sew a mask on their face without cringing, or take photographs of violently killed beautiful women for hours without puking, so don’t mess with them.
2. Never split from the group –
Splitting from the group when there’s a murderous psycho running around equals suicide. Remember Scream, Predators, Anaconda where the loner always.. always dies.
3. Never check the dead –
The killer never dies, so don’t go over there and stoop to check if he’s dead or not. He’s not, but you will be very soon.
4. Never solve puzzles or read artifacts that lead to hell or open hell –
I thought this was a no brainer, just DON’T DO IT! If the puzzle/artifact needs you to blow the dust off it more than once, leave it the hell alone. It’s a portal to hell/evil, DUH! And beware of anything written in Latin with the number 13 and 666. Speaking of Number 666,always inspect the bald head of your newborn.
5. Always be chicken –
It’s OK to not spend the night at a graveyard or avoid staying at the haunted inn, even if the prize is a million dollars, even your friends call you chicken. Oh, and if a friend brings over an Ouija board, it’s alright to punch them in the face. There’s no need to go to the party at the old house that once was an asylum either.
6. Never try to find out what that weird noise is –
When someone calls your name out in the dark, when there’s talking from the other side of the mirror, or there’s that scratching noise up at the attic call your best friend/family and tell them what’s happening or GTFO of the house.
7. Never believe a power cut –
(Do I really have to tell you that?) It’s OK to NOT go to the pitch black basement with a candle to fix the fuse. Take someone with you, get a torch or deal with it in some other way.
8. Always believe children and pets–
When a child says “I see dead people”, he really does. And when your dog won’t enter the house or a room, even after you try to drag him in, he’s onto something deadly. P.S – If the dog runs away, DO NOT run after him, especially if you’re in the middle/border of a forest. The more nervous the animal is.. the faster you should scram. Avoid believing the children only if their eyes glow red and they sing nursery rhymes in a spooky voice.
9. Never believe a friendly alien –
The aliens are not your friends, period. And, it looks like aliens find childbirth too demanding, which is where humans come in handy. Not only do they use us for childbirth, but also to serve as an appetizer for the newborn. Not cool!
10. Never think everyone’s dead –
If you didn’t see them die, they’re probably alive. You just saw someone being dragged off by their ankles, they’ll be back at the last minute stronger and braver than before, and they’ll probably save your sorry self.
11. Never avoid the local’s advice –
They know what they’re saying – they’ve been there for decades, you breeze in out of nowhere and suddenly you know better? No wonder, you’re going to die now. When they say there’s a creepy old ghost in that spine-chilling house atop the hill, you better believe them.
12. Never use the shortcut at 1 a.m. –
No brainer again, the ghosts, spirits, killers, aliens love the shortcuts. STOP GOING THAT WAY. If your friend insists, now is the right time to punch them in the stomach.
13. Never underestimate small towns –
There’s always a demonic cult or Satan hiding there. And they often require a constant supply of pretty girls for sacrifice. Nobody knows why all the girls have to be hot chicks. BTW, if a small town is deserted, people probably vacated it for a very good reason. Staying away from hostels, hotels, asylums and orphanages isn’t a bad idea either.
14. Never underestimate the history –
For the love of god, find out what your ancestors were up to. Maybe the wronged a spirit or made a pact with a demon at full moon hundred years ago? At least find out the history of the house you are in, maybe someone died in there or it’s built on an ancient burial ground or there’s a mysterious opening to hell under the kitchen.
15. Always lookout -
Another thing to look out is – when your petrified friend/partner/parent/whoever suddenly calms down and says there’s no need to run from the devil, alien, zombie, alien anymore. Run like you’re hair is on fire or get them to an exorcist.
16. Never follow the blood –
The blood leads to (no prizes for guessing) either the killer or the dead that’s undead. No need to go there. If there is blood dripping from the ceiling or a bloody object on the floor, don’t look up. If you don’t believe me, check out "Grave Encounters" yourself. Save yourself the trouble, GTFO quickly.
17. Never overestimate a bargain –
You got that house on a bargain for a reason. Dead pigeons, creepy worms, scary mirrors, bleeding walls, whispering voices, are telling you why that house was a bargain. If you’re cheap and novel home seems too good to be true, it probably is.
18. Always protect the most vulnerable part of your body –
We’ve seen the killers grab a girl by her hair or pull a person by the ankle. Tie up your hair when you’re traveling by yourself in the graveyard at midnight and wear sneakers and not heels, heels are the ankle’s enemy.
19. Never believe the good-looking boyfriend –
If you have a somewhat handsome boyfriend or a partner, he’s probably a psycho or a vampire. If he has been transformed into a zombie, there’s no need to confess your love for him or have second thoughts on how zomified he is or if he can be brought back from the dead. Just shoot him in the head and move on, YOLO! You don’t need to believe that the pets that are back from the dead love you either, just slam the door on them. Because, not everyone deserves the benefit of doubt!
20. Never take babysitting lightly –
It’s a dangerous job for anyone, especially if you’re all alone n the middle of nowhere. It’s not to be recommended unless you have a flame gun, axe and a fire arm strapped to your body.
21. Always pick the right friends –
Having the rich, good-looking or athletic friend is of no use because they die first. Choose the friends who are tough and mean - they’ll know to fight, or the nerds - they’ll know the correct passwords in an underground chamber and take you up. However, the best friend to choose here is the person who knows occult. Listen to everything he/she says, you’ll need it when the other friends of yours die after waking up the dead. This is also the right time to know that the one person who is scared of everything will certainly live. And, stop hanging out with friends who wanted to “check out that haunted house”.
22. Never encourage experimentation of any kind–
We all know that genetic, DNA, viral, bacterial, etc. experiments can go extremely wrong. In such cases, stay away from monkeys and people with a glazed expression and blood dripping from their mouth. Refer to point 5 for Ouija board experimentation.
Hope this helps!
Lessons learnt:
1. Never trust anyone –
First things first, look at your relatives, friends, neighbors and acquaintances with a lot of distrust, because the serial killer is always someone you know. So, keep your eyes peeled. The serial killer has superpowers too which you should know of, they never set off the security alarm, they never trip even if the room is pitch black, they always have good mobile signal, they know the exact layout of your house, and they always appear out of nowhere. Serial killers are so bad that they can do some weird stuff like sew a mask on their face without cringing, or take photographs of violently killed beautiful women for hours without puking, so don’t mess with them.
2. Never split from the group –
Splitting from the group when there’s a murderous psycho running around equals suicide. Remember Scream, Predators, Anaconda where the loner always.. always dies.
3. Never check the dead –
The killer never dies, so don’t go over there and stoop to check if he’s dead or not. He’s not, but you will be very soon.
4. Never solve puzzles or read artifacts that lead to hell or open hell –
I thought this was a no brainer, just DON’T DO IT! If the puzzle/artifact needs you to blow the dust off it more than once, leave it the hell alone. It’s a portal to hell/evil, DUH! And beware of anything written in Latin with the number 13 and 666. Speaking of Number 666,always inspect the bald head of your newborn.
5. Always be chicken –
It’s OK to not spend the night at a graveyard or avoid staying at the haunted inn, even if the prize is a million dollars, even your friends call you chicken. Oh, and if a friend brings over an Ouija board, it’s alright to punch them in the face. There’s no need to go to the party at the old house that once was an asylum either.
6. Never try to find out what that weird noise is –
When someone calls your name out in the dark, when there’s talking from the other side of the mirror, or there’s that scratching noise up at the attic call your best friend/family and tell them what’s happening or GTFO of the house.
7. Never believe a power cut –
(Do I really have to tell you that?) It’s OK to NOT go to the pitch black basement with a candle to fix the fuse. Take someone with you, get a torch or deal with it in some other way.
8. Always believe children and pets–
When a child says “I see dead people”, he really does. And when your dog won’t enter the house or a room, even after you try to drag him in, he’s onto something deadly. P.S – If the dog runs away, DO NOT run after him, especially if you’re in the middle/border of a forest. The more nervous the animal is.. the faster you should scram. Avoid believing the children only if their eyes glow red and they sing nursery rhymes in a spooky voice.
9. Never believe a friendly alien –
The aliens are not your friends, period. And, it looks like aliens find childbirth too demanding, which is where humans come in handy. Not only do they use us for childbirth, but also to serve as an appetizer for the newborn. Not cool!
10. Never think everyone’s dead –
If you didn’t see them die, they’re probably alive. You just saw someone being dragged off by their ankles, they’ll be back at the last minute stronger and braver than before, and they’ll probably save your sorry self.
11. Never avoid the local’s advice –
They know what they’re saying – they’ve been there for decades, you breeze in out of nowhere and suddenly you know better? No wonder, you’re going to die now. When they say there’s a creepy old ghost in that spine-chilling house atop the hill, you better believe them.
12. Never use the shortcut at 1 a.m. –
No brainer again, the ghosts, spirits, killers, aliens love the shortcuts. STOP GOING THAT WAY. If your friend insists, now is the right time to punch them in the stomach.
13. Never underestimate small towns –
There’s always a demonic cult or Satan hiding there. And they often require a constant supply of pretty girls for sacrifice. Nobody knows why all the girls have to be hot chicks. BTW, if a small town is deserted, people probably vacated it for a very good reason. Staying away from hostels, hotels, asylums and orphanages isn’t a bad idea either.
14. Never underestimate the history –
For the love of god, find out what your ancestors were up to. Maybe the wronged a spirit or made a pact with a demon at full moon hundred years ago? At least find out the history of the house you are in, maybe someone died in there or it’s built on an ancient burial ground or there’s a mysterious opening to hell under the kitchen.
15. Always lookout -
Another thing to look out is – when your petrified friend/partner/parent/whoever suddenly calms down and says there’s no need to run from the devil, alien, zombie, alien anymore. Run like you’re hair is on fire or get them to an exorcist.
16. Never follow the blood –
The blood leads to (no prizes for guessing) either the killer or the dead that’s undead. No need to go there. If there is blood dripping from the ceiling or a bloody object on the floor, don’t look up. If you don’t believe me, check out "Grave Encounters" yourself. Save yourself the trouble, GTFO quickly.
17. Never overestimate a bargain –
You got that house on a bargain for a reason. Dead pigeons, creepy worms, scary mirrors, bleeding walls, whispering voices, are telling you why that house was a bargain. If you’re cheap and novel home seems too good to be true, it probably is.
18. Always protect the most vulnerable part of your body –
We’ve seen the killers grab a girl by her hair or pull a person by the ankle. Tie up your hair when you’re traveling by yourself in the graveyard at midnight and wear sneakers and not heels, heels are the ankle’s enemy.
19. Never believe the good-looking boyfriend –
If you have a somewhat handsome boyfriend or a partner, he’s probably a psycho or a vampire. If he has been transformed into a zombie, there’s no need to confess your love for him or have second thoughts on how zomified he is or if he can be brought back from the dead. Just shoot him in the head and move on, YOLO! You don’t need to believe that the pets that are back from the dead love you either, just slam the door on them. Because, not everyone deserves the benefit of doubt!
20. Never take babysitting lightly –
It’s a dangerous job for anyone, especially if you’re all alone n the middle of nowhere. It’s not to be recommended unless you have a flame gun, axe and a fire arm strapped to your body.
21. Always pick the right friends –
Having the rich, good-looking or athletic friend is of no use because they die first. Choose the friends who are tough and mean - they’ll know to fight, or the nerds - they’ll know the correct passwords in an underground chamber and take you up. However, the best friend to choose here is the person who knows occult. Listen to everything he/she says, you’ll need it when the other friends of yours die after waking up the dead. This is also the right time to know that the one person who is scared of everything will certainly live. And, stop hanging out with friends who wanted to “check out that haunted house”.
22. Never encourage experimentation of any kind–
We all know that genetic, DNA, viral, bacterial, etc. experiments can go extremely wrong. In such cases, stay away from monkeys and people with a glazed expression and blood dripping from their mouth. Refer to point 5 for Ouija board experimentation.
Hope this helps!
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Feel Old! NOT!
Why haven’t you got married yet?
Hamare sanskaron mein
kya kami reh gayi thi, bolo?
En unaku kalyamna
pidikamaatengardadu?
Anda paiyane eduku reject
pannine, badul sollu?
Enge kitte opena pesu, naanga romba cool.
Nee yevanavdae love pannariya, paravale enga kitta sollu – naanga poi
pesarom?
Unaku boy freiendsae kidaiyada?
These questions are every single Tamil girl’s very much
dreaded FAQs! (and if you’re an exception stop reading this right now, because I
am jealous!!!) As much as I hate to admit this, these questions really do get
on my nerves. In the community we live in, marriage is a badge of honor that
you must proudly wear and show off to your relatives, friends, neighbors, people
you know and don’t know. Believe me, it gets worse when you are the only one
left to take the plunge – while all your friends, cousins, and distant
relatives your age are already married or on the verge of it.
Now, don’t get me wrong or judge me, because I am totally
PRO marriage. I am a romantic at heart and I believe in true love, soul mates
and all that good stuff. I just don’t think we should rush things just because
of the society, parents, age.. blah blah. After countless fights, a million
arguments, and another million awkward silences, I have managed to detect the pre-marital
process of a handling a proposal.
The Process –
1. First things first, when you reach 25 your biological clock is on the verge of exploding, it’s not a clock anymore – it’s a frggin time bomb.
1. First things first, when you reach 25 your biological clock is on the verge of exploding, it’s not a clock anymore – it’s a frggin time bomb.
2.
Then, you become everyone’s favorite family
“project” – because people think that you need help!
3.
Then, comes the pooja and the regular visits to
the astrologer, who say you are on the verge of marriage (as if that’s gonna
make anyone happy and content) and they prescribe a series of mantras and
poojas and what not, and tell you about your doshams and the temples you need
to visit. Let’s not forget the fact that the entire world is praying for you at
this point, your parents, siblings, relatives.. and people who you forgot about.
YOU are literally the one and only reason for their prayer. And don’t forget,
by this time you are lighting three ghee diyas to a variety of deities.
4.
Next, you are invited/forced to every single
family event that has happened. In a brave attempt to make you “meet” the right
one. Of course, there is no right one in
those festivals; otherwise I wouldn’t be parading my single status today.
You’re relatives’ eye you keenly throughout the festivities to see if someone
has taken an interest in you or to see if their “introduction plan” worked. Let’s
not forget people who you’ve never met before coming up to you and asking why
aren’t you married? And, the minute you get frustrated and tell them to get off
your back, all hell breaks loose!! You are suddenly not a homely girl; you are
an “adangapidari” with lack of sanskarams and mariyadai for the elders!
5.
Since that didn’t work out too well, you are
enrolled in every possible matrimony site on the internet. You’re profile
details are sent out to every maami and maama in the corners of the world. From
the agraharams of Nagarkoil to the suburbs of Minneapolis.
6.
Then, the final attempt of questioning which is
ideally supposed to lead somewhere. “What happened to that engineering boy who
came to return your pen drive 3 years ago?” or “College first year le unna
propose pannavanku ippovum un mela interest iruka?” or “Didn’t anyone propose
to you yet?” or “Sharradha maami ponnuku ippo 22 - avalku kooda kalyanam fix
pannita, ulagatae purinju nadanduko”.
7.
Last but not least, “neeye paiyane paatuko” we won’t interfere in
your marriage matters anymore, because we are extremely upset with your behavior
your lack of interest. That’s obviously followed by point number 3 and rolls
down to point number 6.
After not allowing me to talk to boys, after making sure I
don’t go on dates, after not allowing me to stay back after 9 p.m., after not
allowing me to go to parties, our parents are suddenly disappointed in us not
finding a guy when we hit the “prime of our lives”. I’m just kidding.. or am I?
Understandings –
1.
Getting married, having kids, buying a house,
taking a loan.. none of these come with an expiration date. This is not like
buying vegetables at Farm Fresh!
2.
People who got married at 20 – 22 do NOT have
any more guarantee of happiness than whatever age you are at today. Life is
meant to be enjoyed, no matter when you find the “one”.
3.
Those who are married have their own set of problems;
marriage does not guarantee happiness, love, care, friendship, ethics, etc. You
can guarantee all these for yourself no matter what stage of life you are at
now.
4.
Take the advice of people who love and care
about you, but make your own decisions.
5.
Last but not least, marriage is a choice of a
particular lifestyle and not a necessity or an obligation. So, for the love of
god take your time!
6.
Bonus point – Stop meeting every birthday of
yours with a sense of doom (easier said than done, I know. But, try.).
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