For the Socially Awkward

There are going to be some moments which will remain awkward.. Whether you are 13, 30 or 300. 

Brand New Heels

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tripped walking in my flats, let alone my heels. It’s a fact – the bigger the heels, the slower the reflexes and brain-to-body signals.

Situation 1 – Tripping and playing it chill!!

I’ve tripped in front of at least 20 people – fell on all fours – gotten up as gracefully as I can – limped away – went to the loo and examined how bad the bruises were – come out and pretend that everything is chill (even though the same 20 people are staring at you. WTH.. Don’t you all have a life?). You also realized when you were writhing with pain on the floor - the longer you stayed there, the worse it got. This feels much worse than it actually is *This is what you have to tell yourself to stop yourself from getting damaged for life.* You also tell yourself that at least this time you were wearing heels, and not flats.

Situation 2 – Tripping and NOT playing it chill!!

I’ve tripped in front of a whole floor of people – fell on my face – gotten up as ungracefully as I can and people think you’ve broken your hip or something and come to help you, and you badly need their help – with superior will-power you have limped away with your broken shoe in one hand (when all you want to do is lie on the floor and wail like a baby) – went to the loo and examined how bad the bruises were, but you fail to notice the bruise in your face – the bruises you noticed are really bad – come out crying (with the same floor people staring at you. Suddenly, you realize the floor has incredible good looking people in it, and you just made a bigger fool by crying in front of them all, and you don’t even realize there’s a purplish blue bruise on your face, as if we weren’t ugly enough in the first place). You know there is just no recovering from that, no matter how much you try – especially since there was nothing on the floor to trip you up and you realize you tripped over yourself. And you go home, sadly singing Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. 

Losing to a Child

I lost count of how many times I’ve lost a game to a child, be it chess, hide-and-seek, scrabble, marbles, .. marbles can you believe it? Even I can’t!

You name it – I’ve lost it. Are they getting ridiculously clever or are my brain cells diminishing with age? The most awkward part is when you act as if you actually “gave up the game” and didn’t lose in front of the other adults, and they actually do believe you, because nobody can be that stupid, right? Sigh!! And the kid looks at you scornfully and gives you a jeering smile, cos the kid knows the truth and has learnt an important lesson today - adults too, can be complete losers. Want to know something even more awkward? When they point at you in front of their friends and say, look at that lady (I can’t understand why someone would call me lady or aunty - it adds to the pain, because now you’re stupid and old!) she lost a game of marbles to my three year old brother, and you realize that you have to live with yourself, and try to block the game of marbles out of your head to retain some sanity.

The Elevator

I’m not talking about the time when someone farts in an elevator, because that’s just gross and not awkward. I’m talking about the time when you get into a crowded elevator, and face one direction and realize everyone else is facing the other way. And the elevator is so crowded, you can’t turn around, but everybody knows there’s a creepy “lady” facing the other way. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, you are stuck for eternity in a metal catacomb. And then, the elevator decides to stop at every floor and nobody gets out and nobody can get it. Suddenly, you’re phone rings drawing even more attention to yourself, and its playing that lounge music that you thought would make you look cool, but it actually makes people around you wish they were deaf or dead. Finally, the elevator door opens and you get out only to see a cute guy get off the lift with you. He hesitates and makes eye contact awkwardly and thinks you’re the one who farted in the lift as well. And you realize this is a day you wouldn’t wish this on your worst enemy, and you’re having to live it. 

Now, that's awkward!